Some very rare time off...

Sorry for the lack of recent posts; I've simply been far too busy and important, lol! Weight wise I put on a pound and a half over the past couple of weeks, but still seem to be getting smaller, so I'm not complaining. Currently weighing around 12st 12lb, so still 22.5lb lighter than in September.

The reasons for posting on a Saturday rather than my customary Wednesday are three-fold... 1, we've been away for a few days at Center Parcs, 2, I was lucky enough to go to Joe Black's House of Burlesque at the Kings Theatre, Southsea yesterday, and 3, Flo stayed at her nanny's last night so I am able to type unhindered prior to collecting her at 12.

So, a midweek break at Center Parcs in January may not sound like much, but it is a holiday I look forward to every year. This year we stayed in a 3-bedroom executive lodge with Mike, Tammy and Izzy, my brother, sister-in-law and niece, and had a wonderfully relaxing time. The rain didn't stop us enjoying ourselves, and we even managed a morning at the Aqua Sana spa while Flo went to a colourful creations class. We ate lots, walked loads, and laughed till we cried (if you haven't played "Cards against humanity" and have a sick/twisted nature, I suggest you put it on your shopping list!)

On our final afternoon at CP we took Flo for a splash about at the sub tropical swimming paradise, where she usually clings to one or other of our necks in spite of wearing a float suit, refuses to go on the toddler splash slide and generally gets cold rapidly and asks to leave. I'm not sure what happened to change this now-accepted state of affairs, but while we were in the indoor wave pool, Scott took a chance and managed to prise Flo's fingers from his neck, and let her go, knowing she would sort of float but would need to work a bit to do so. And Flo? She kicked her legs underwater, treading water brilliantly. She added some paddle hands and managed to propel herself, albeit slowly, to me! She continued to go from one of us to the other for at least twenty minutes, going farther each time. As a nervous swimmer myself I have to confess to shedding a tear or two (mercifully disguised by an over-enthusiastic splash by a passing child) as Flo even went back into the water for another go while the waves were in motion. Her confidence has really stunned me! A superb end to a holiday, I'm sure you'll agree.

Yesterday we returned home after the customary frantic morning of packing and eating left-overs. This was only a very fleeting visit, as we had planned for Flo to stay with mum for the day and overnight as we were off out again. This time, Scott and I would be heading to sunny Southsea for the spectacle known as The House of Burlesque. As most of you know, Scott is a photographer (and a mighty fine one too, I might add). Usually he shoots alone as he doesn't need an assistant, so I am pretty much redundant, and only get involved in the admin side of his work. Yesterday however I was very lucky and was allowed to tag along and arrived at the theatre before many of the performers. I headed into Southsea for a bit of a mooch, hoping to find the perfect skirt to go with my steampunk outfit for the evening. Turns out Southsea has precisely ONE charity shop, accompanied by perhaps half a dozen "vintage" outfitters. Basically the same skirt in the latter will cost £30 and still smell like your gran. I returned empty-handed.

I spent a fair amount of time in the Theatre kitchen meeting very friendly and heretofore unnamed performers and their partners whilst drinking coffee. Some people are effortlessly elegant and graceful, but never have I seen such a beautiful, pocket-sized bundle of energy as graceful as Rio. She is a belly dancer who combines this immensely watchable art form with burlesque, to stunning effect. I saw her perform five times during the day; twice in the technical rehearsal, twice more in the show itself, and once more in the curry house after the show!

Other incredibly funny, friendly and welcoming performers I met include Kitty Ribbons (a very naughty ballerina automaton), Heidi Bang Tidy and Crystal Tips (face-achingly funny burlesque double act), Kitty Klaw (who does things with the Union Jack that would make your mother blush), Josephine Shaker (with an amazing light-up tap dancing costume and shoes), Piff the Magic Dragon, Alfie Ordinary, Arran Shurvington (the kindest, most loveable young man in high heels ever!) and of course Joe Black, who was more relaxed than I've seen him before a show.

Needless to say, I had an amazing evening, made some wonderful new friends and had a few very kind compliments thrown my way by people who've not seen me in a while. My small corset fitted perfectly, I had to take 6 inches of fabric out of my steampunk coat I first wore in June, and my bosoms remained firmly ensconced in their steel-boned contraption. It was awesome to see Vie, Tyrone, Ruby, Daniel, Paula and Darren too. (We won't mention me falling off my 5-inch platform heels onto my considerably less-padded arse whilst trying to kick Darren up the bum). All in all a superb evening with fabulous people, topped up with probably the worst curry of my life with the best company (thank you Kirsty and James). Oh, and a lie-in today!

Back on track

Sometimes I feel like this diet is too good to be true. I ate out with Scott and Flo at the weekend (Bella Italian, yum!) plus we had a takeaway last week. I've had bolognese, roast pork, fresh garlic bread and more, and yet somehow I've lost all the weight I had put on over Christmas plus an extra pound, taking my total WW loss to 24.5lb and my unofficial loss to 27lb, just a pound shy of two stone!

I think my motivation levels are particularly high at the moment as I have bought new clothes with my Christmas money, and received some new clothes for Christmas too - all with a size 14 label. The jeans I bought shortly before Christmas are actually starting to get rather baggy already, so perhaps a size 12 isn't a million miles off?!?

I still don't see any difference when I look in the mirror, either facially or in my body shape, and yet I know I am smaller. I have no idea why this should be, though. I just notice my eyes when I look in the mirror, and my smile. After all, those are the only things that matter - window to the soul and all that jazz.

We are going to Center Parcs soon, and I am really looking forward to going swimming without feeling like a blimp, as I am fully two dress sizes than the last time I was there, and hopefully will be two stones lighter too.

Scott and I are also heading to the House of Burlesque show in Portsmouth in February, for a mixture of business and pleasure, so I'm hoping to wear my size 14 steel-boned corset for the first time ever. I've managed the 18 (whilst pregnant) and the 16 (whilst breast feeding, lol!) but have never quite managed to get into the smaller one. Just need to decide what to wear it over/under/with etc. Exciting stuff :)

Ooh, ah, just a little bit, ooh, ah, a little bit more!

Ok, so tonight was the big post-Christmas weigh-in. A moment of trepidation and downright terror for many of us. Of course there are always people who manage to hold it together at this time of year, but many more of us who, frankly, let it all go. I kind of sit in between these two positions. I fill up on veg still, but I'm not about to deny myself the treats associated with the season, in particular the cheese. Oh my, the cheese...

Disturbing my reverie briefly, I refer now to my blog post's title. I don't usually quote Gina G, but her lyric seemed most fitting. For me. And cheese. Oh my, the cheese...

My main issue at this time of year is the extra-lateness. Normally I go to bed between 11.30 and 12.30. When I don't need to be up early, and more to the point, when Scott doesn't have to be up early and isn't on a shoot, I'll happily stay up past 2. Not a major problem, until you remember that dinner is usually around 7, and the extra few hours means we get the late night munchies. Munchies and wine. I forgot to mention the wine...

Anyhow, to cut a long story short, I fully expected a hefty weight gain on the scales tonight, having weighed at the end of last week at nearly half a stone heavier than my last weigh-in. Clearly that shock to my system helped to focus me. My weight has gone up by 2.5lb, taking me back to 13st 0.5lb. I'm going to set my new target for this quarter to get to 12stone. With a holiday at the end of this month, this may yet be a struggle, but that is my goal. Thank you for sharing my journey so far, and here's to a little bit more of being a little bit less.

So long, 2012. Hello 2013!

It has been a strange couple of weeks since my last post. We've had Christmas, for one. Normally this is a time for celebration and togetherness, but this year I've felt very un-together. My brothers both live in Southampton, but one doesn't drive so it's hard to get them over here at the same time when there is no public transport. We saw them on Christmas Eve but there is nothing that beats a proper Christmas Day celebration. I am always left with feelings of guilt; could I have collected them all and brought them to mum's, should I have put aside my own wishes for a family day at home to go over there? In the end though, I know I have to do what is right for us, so Scott, Flo and I had our Christmas morning sauna and brunch followed by present unwrapping and then roast duck for lunch. I was feeling pretty lousy already with a cold, but the sauna seemed to help.

In the evening we walked to mum's with all our presents (I live just a couple of miles from my mum, so we get to drink too!). We arrived to find a rather somber room full of people not watching the carol concert on the tele. My gran was in a foul (and still unexplained) mood, and my dad was doing his best to wind everyone up. Flo and Izzy, my niece, soon livened things up, but I was very conscious of a worsening cold. In hindsight we should probably have stayed at home to avoid spreading our bugs to the family, but I had to weigh up the guilt of not going and the guilt of sharing my cold. Neither option was particularly appealing.

After much gift sharing, food scoffing and whiskey Mack guzzling, we made our merry way home with flo asleep in her pushchair. We've since had a sickness bug which affected just Flo and my dad (who is never sick) and the cold has progressed to my lungs as well as to my grandparents (which is the LAST thing I would have wanted). So the days between Christmas and new year have been fraught with guilt. I had to go to work on the Thursday Friday and Saturday as I am not yet entitled to sick pay, so I dragged myself in each day.

Work definitely warrants a mention in this review of 2012. I began the year having worked yet another Christmas in retail at M&S and was determined to change things before another Christmas hit us, so I applied for all sorts of non-retail jobs, particularly accountancy and bookkeeping ones. I wasn't contacted by a single employer until I finally bit the bullet and applied to a banking group. I had never considered a career in banking having worked at Skandia in the past, but having sailed through the online selection process I found myself with the prospect of working for a bank! Not only were they happy to take me on part time, but they also impressed upon me the chance of progression, even at part time hours.

Just what I needed after a career in which I'd been under constant scrutiny, constantly questioning my own ability and dreading the next surprise inspection. Teaching was not a career I could return to without some serious adjustments to my self-confidence and my work-life balance. And so here I am, a customer adviser for one of the country's biggest banking groups, thoroughly enjoying my job, getting on well with my colleagues and feeling like I can genuinely help people with their financial problems.

For so many of my friends 2012 has been an atrocious year, and yet I find myself looking back and thinking, wow! That was awesome! We have had our share of bad years, and have been through all kinds of financial difficulties, but this year we really got our shit together. I have been doing Scott's accounts for a few years now, and feel a bit like Yoko Ono at times when I try to control the artistic side of what he does too, but anyone who has seen his work progress this year will understand just how talented he is and how very proud I am to call him my husband. He has been published in lots of magazines this year, and is even being paid by some of them. He has worked with some incredible models and performers, and is more in demand than we could ever have anticipated. Hopefully with my support he can continue to expand his portfolio of clients and we'll start to see some real returns for his time and talent. So yes, 2012 has been really good for us, but there is no reason that 2013 can't be even better. In fact, I intend to do everything in my power to see that it is!

A review at the end of the year.

So here it is, the final weigh in of 2012.

2012 was a year in which I saw myself gradually eat my way into a size 18-20 in clothes, fairly unnoticeably. Yes, my clothes were no longer fitting, yes buttons were popping open on tops and blouses, and yes, a colleague kindly pointed out (in my previous job) that I needed to go up a size. The thing is, I didn't FEEL any different - that's the trouble with gradual weight gain - you don't realise the tiny changes that are building up.

In July I went on holiday to Cornwall - one of my favourite places, and somewhere I've always felt comfortable. I had a great time, don't get me wrong. It's just... the photos... When Scott uploaded the photos there were so many of me looking really solid around the middle, making me look OLD and just not looking like me. You'll notice that the photos I've tended to put up are of me from the shoulders up.

Goodwood in September was another time when I saw photos and thought, "I don't want to be like that anymore"... By this point I had already begun my weightwatchers journey, so I knew I was headed in the right direction, but any kind of "goal" seemed a long way off.

At the weekend, Scott, Flo and I went to London for the day - a very rare family day away from home. We did a few touristy bits (Natural History Museum, Hamleys, Carnaby Street) and took Flo on the underground for the first time (well, the second, but she was too tiny to remember the first). it was great to have the time out. I wore heeled boots all day, carried bags and toddlers and had lots of photos taken, and, wait for it, I FELT GREAT! I was wearing my slimmer size 14 jeans, my size 14 coat, and felt like I deserved to wear them. (You know how sometimes you can sneak into a smaller size due to the brand being over-generous, the stretch being more than adequate, or the cut being slightly irregular, but never actually feel like that's your size...)

The day after London I was poorly, but I recovered within 48 hours to be back full of energy and enthusiasm. My eating habits have changed, so my energy levels have improved, and my overall fitness is on the up. Walking is about all the exercise I'm doing at the moment, but I'll be cycling in the spring, so perhaps 2013 will be even better. Work is going great, Flo is flourishing at preschool, and Scott's photography business is coming on in leaps and bounds. Oh, and I lost another pound this week, taking me to 12st12lb - a total weight loss of 1st 12lb. Nearly 2stone!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!  See you on the other side!

No longer a baker's dozen!

It has been a week of "being good" food-wise. I've had the odd chocolate, the odd *cough* Toby Carvery, a teeny tiny takeaway and, oh yeah, a complete Finnish Christmas dinner! For the uninitiated, a Finnish Christmas dinner is a joy to behold, and a joy to consume - we had Christmas ham, herrings, smoked salmon, potato bake, swede bake, carrot bake, red cabbage, *covers Flo's ears* reindeer, mushroom pie, mushroom salad, beetroot and apple salad and COPIOUS amounts of red wine.

Throughout my time with Weightwatchers I've not felt like I was on a diet. I've cut down on the alcohol, stopped buying daily chocolate bars, stopped sitting with a bowl of kettle chips whilst watching a film, and just thought a little more about the choices I make on an hour-to-hour, day-to-day basis. I don't feel deprived, I don't stand out like a sore thumb when eating with friends and family (ie I don't have a huge plate of salad when I eat out) and I still keep losing weight. It really goes to show how just a few small changes can make all the difference.

Would I like to sit eating a big bar of Dairy Milk? Yes! Would I enjoy it at the time? Undoubtedly! Would I beat myself up afterwards for wasting a week's worth of bonus points on a moment of idiocy? Damn right! I know I can have a small amount of chocolate, enjoy it, and then carry on with my day guilt-free. Feeling guilty about food is so unhealthy, as you inevitably start to either resent the diet, resent the forbidden food, or worse, resent the people around you who are, perhaps unwittingly, tempting you to eat. Nobody forces me to eat chocolate, crisps or KFC - I choose to. I know I can balance my diet by easing off in other areas. That's just how it works for me.

So, here's the great bit of news for this week - I've lost 2.5lb this week, which brings my weight down to 12st 13lb - yes, that's right! I'm under 13stone! This was my goal by Christmas, so I feel I've really achieved something this week. My total weightloss is now 25lb (in-meeting is 22.5lb) which is the most I've ever lost with Weightwatchers. Before I got married I lost 21lb but that took me down to 10st 2lb and a size 12. This time I'm thinking I ought to aim for 11.5-12st which would be a loss of around 3stone.

Another really positive note for the week - I've bumped into a few people I know who I've not seen for a while, and they've noticed a change in me. For some it's purely a size thing, but others have noticed a greater vitality, and more of the "old" Jeanie back. This is a combination of the weight loss and my new job, both of which are giving me the confidence to face the world with a smile.

Once again, thank you all for your support and encouragement. Hopefully will have some photos for you soon x

You've got to... Accen...tuate the positive...

I'll get the negative out of the way straight off - I've put on half a pound this week (shock horror!) but I am totally putting it down to the fact that I wore jeans and hi-top trainers instead of my usual workwear to the weigh-in.

Ok. so, that aside, here are some awesome positives that are making me smile immensely this week:

• I bought myself my first pair of size 14 jeans since the year I got married (2000)
• The jeans fit me comfortably
• One of my friends at M&S (where I used to work) commented that the jeans I was wearing (my supposedly skinny size 16s) were too baggy on the bum and I needed some smaller ones (thank you Kait!) 
• I've had a good start to my working week
• Scott is being published in no less than 4 separate magazines this month
• Flo has been given her part in the preschool nativity, as a camel (rather than Mary, as she had told us!) 

So really, I can't grumble. I've had a really ordinary week food-wise. I've not even attempted to make a soup (definitely need to, as the carrot one I made last week is just not nice - too sweet). I've had a sneaky KFC with Flo, eaten out with the family, had more than a couple of evening drinks, plus more than two roast potatoes at the weekend. I've even eaten some Christmas chocolate. If that equates to putting on half a pound, I can definitely live with that.

Only two more weigh-ins before Christmas... Can I get to the elusive 13 stone mark? I'm certain I can, and I'll let you know next week how I get on. For now, though, I'm off to wrap some Chrimbo presents.